Tomorrow my college life will officially be over, thus far.  I don't really know what to think about the whole thing, except that I am overjoyed.  It's hard to express what I feel at this moment because of all of the different emotions pouring out of my heart right now. 

I am the first person to graduate from college in my family.  And boy, is my family proud.  It's almost embarassing, really.  Just last night at dinner, my parents and grandparents carried on to the server about how I'm a nurse, I went to Lourdes, my commencement is tomorrow, yadda yadda.  I sat there with my head down at first, but then I thought, "accept the fact that they are proud!" It's embarassing at times, but I wallow in it. It feels good to have someone share your pride.  And to feed it a little bit, too.

I come from a blue collar family.  My dad's a plumber.  Grandpa was a truck driver, Nana was a bank teller.  My mom works at a fabric store.  My brother delivers medical equipment.  And here I am, a nurse, with a Bachelor's degree.  The very first in my family.  And I couldn't happier. 

This is leaps and bounds from where I came from. I was a wild child.  To look at me, you would not guess that, but everyone has their skeletons in the closet.  I went through a lot of rough spots at the end of high school and got in with the wrong crowd.  I was stuck in a downward spiral for several years, making my life and my family's lives living hell until I decided I'd had enough. 

I started at a community college in the fall of 2000 and got straight A's.  By that fall, I transferred to Lourdes and was going to be a teacher.  Well, we all know that was not meant to be, because here I am, almost 7 years later with a degree in nursing. 

The road was long and bumpy, it seemed I had setback after setback.  One step forward, two steps back, I used to say.  But I perservered.  And even though I didn't make it into the honors' society and I wasn't one of the people who received awards for being great, I know, deep down, that I am great.  And I am honored.  I did the best that I could.  Knowing that means more than any plaque or vocal recognition.  

So when tomorrow comes, I will proudly walk across the Sea Gate Center stage and accept my certificate from Dr. Helmer with pride. I am proud of myself.  For the first time in my life I can say that and it feels good. 

Friday, May 16, 2008 4:15:37 PM (Atlantic Standard Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [2] | 

I suppose that sooner or later it would dawn on me that I've been out of touch with the "real" world for some time now.  I just found out last night that John McCain is not running against anyone, that's why the focus is on Hillary and Obama right now.  Not that I'm one to follow politics, I sway neither Republican nor Democrat, I vote the person who has a better platform.  Now, this all hit me last night while watching the 11pm news following CSI:Miami, which I apparently have not caught up on lately as one of the characters left the show and I knew nothing about it. 

My dad said, "Yeah, it was on the previews from last week."

I replied, "When did the writer's strike end?"

I guess that's what happens when you essentially live, eat, and breathe hospital.  Most people assume that on a day off one would kick back and watch TV, catch up on their soap opera, be a couch potato.  Not me.  I get out of the house.  I drive to different places around northwest Ohio and southeast Michigan and I enjoy the fantastic weather.  And I try to get some sleep.  I am caught up in things other than what is really going on this world.  Except gas prices.  You can't ignore that no matter how hard you try. 

So I came up with a plan: 

1.  Read the newspaper.  Even though the Blade's proofreading leaves little to be desired, I vow to partake in it long enough to get in touch with the goings on around here.

2.  Utilize my DVR more often.  That way I really can spend a day being a couch potato.  I can't tell you the last time I watched Top Chef or Hell's Kitchen the same week they aired. 

3.  Click on the top stories on the AOL homepage when I check my email.  That way I can get in touch with some of the more tabloid aspects of life. 

Whether or not these will work, I don't know.  But maybe I should focus a little less on the fact that I live, eat, and breathe hospital. 

Tuesday, May 06, 2008 6:19:59 PM (Atlantic Standard Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [1] | 

I am so tired right now!  I've been on nights now for two weeks and it's been a difficult transition so far.  It's 11:45am right now and I got off work at 3:30am.  I was up at 9am.  And I haven't been back to sleep.  So here I am, staring bleary-eyed at a computer monitor in an almost catatonic state.  I was on the day shift for four months and detested getting up before the sun came out.  I never really got used to that at all.  I had the opportunity to switch to nights at the end of April and I jumped at it.  I'm used to late nights in a hospital.  There is a different atmosphere on nights, I guess.  For instance, the lights are turned down low, patients are bathed and readied for bed, and it's quieter.  Most nights. 

For me, nights are the best time to learn as a new nurse because you have time to sit with your preceptor and pick their brains.  You can gain so much knowledge from your preceptors and co-workers because nights are so much more relaxed (for the most part)and you don't have to worry about catching the doctors or dealing with visitors or the regular hustle and bustle that exists during the day.  At night you can sit back (if your patients are stable) and discuss your patient with your preceptor and really get a grip on the whole critical thinking aspect of nursing. 

In two weeks on nights I have learned how to view brain hemorrhages on a CT scan, how to draw blood off of an arterial line, how check a cardiac index on a Swan, what a proper CVP waveform looks like and how to troubleshoot a bad waveform, how to recognize an aortic aneurysm on a CT, what a procedure called a Whipple is, and how to call doctors on the phone and not make them upset because I'm calling about something little.  I've also perfected the art of giving a bed bath in under 15 minutes while completing my midnight assessment.  What accomplishments!

I also like nights because that's when I think a lot of excitement happens.  New admits come in who aren't stable, and the unit I'm on now gets the traumas, surgeries, and just about anything else that is critical.  The patients could potentially crash at any given moment and to me it's all very exciting--I like the adrenaline rush of having someone's life in your hands.  It's very fast-paced when a new admit comes.  There are about 10 people helping out, with someone documenting, someone else is getting supplies, several people are getting the patient moved onto the bed, and various people are hooking the patient up to the monitor, changing the linens, running the ventilator, cleaning up messes, hooking up IV lines and drips, and so on.  There's a lot going on in a limited amount of space and it's all exciting to me.

There are other nights when nothing is going on and it's all I can do to stay awake.  I've developed a caffeine habit that consists of Red Bull and coffee.  I hate coffee.  But it keeps me up as long as I put in a boat load of cream and sugar.  I get the yawns around 3am.  Between 3 and 5 I am a zombie.  I caught myself nodding off while charting my assessment last week.  In order to stay awake, I take a brisk walk down the hall or I do a few jumping jacks (not in front of everyone, but I go to the bathroom or the supply room and do them).  Then there are some nights that, regardless of what I do, I am either wired or exhausted and there's no way around it.  Nurses have it rough at night because we are constantly fighting our own bodies' response to Circadian rhythms.  Most people's bodies are not used to staying up through the night, and mine is certainly no exception. 

So while I love nights I hate the fact that I am not sleeping a lot during the day.  It'll take some time to get used to, but I can deal with it.  I'll have to regardless because almost all new nurses get put on the night shift after orientation anyway. 

Time to get back to bed.

Saturday, May 03, 2008 12:05:06 PM (Atlantic Standard Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [0] | 

It is absolutely beautiful outside and I am stuck in a basement computer room at the hospital working on my ECCO (Essentials of Critical Care Orientation).  Yes, I should be paying attention, but it's a web-based program that has a voice with a speech impediment.  Not that I am knocking anyone who has one, but to listen to a woman with a weird New England-type accent mispronounce words for roughly four hours at a time--I mean, really, come on now.

I am counting down the hours--it's been about 2 1/2 and I have another 1 1/2 to go, but there are so many better things I could be doing right now.  Like being outside.  And going for a cruise.  And getting some ice cream from some little hole in the wall roadside place.  And walking through a park.  And feeding some ducks/geese.  And I could go on and on, but alas I will not as this blog could easily become a list of the things I would do right now if I were not stuck in this room the size of a broom closet. 

And I digress...

I just finished my rotation on another unit this week and on Monday I start anew yet again.  Only now I'm on nights.  Yippee ki ay.  And yes, there is a lot of sarcastic enthusiasm there.  But I guess it's not that bad.  It's really the issue of working on the unit from 7p-3a and then sitting in front of a computer from 3a-7a to work on ECCO.  I tried it for an hour yesterday morning and I was ready to curl up in an empty hospital bed somewhere.  So I left and have to make up my hours on my day off.  Sure, I was off yesterday, but my plans to be here were thwarted by the fact that I had to drive to Findlay to pick up my brother from the hospital (nothing serious).  So that took up a few minutes of my time.  Then, he was hungry, had to return something to Best Buy, yadda yadda, and I'm like, seriously dude, you got a shot of morphine so let's get you home.  When all was said and done, I had no time left to come here. 

But here I am today.  And I'm so over it already.  Being alone in this room with nothing but a computer (cell phones don't work down here) really makes a person's thoughts wander. 

I have to make a hair appointment. 

Will the hospital track me down if they find out I'm surfing bored.com?  

Why doesn't environmental services come and clean up this room more often? 

I can't believe that I missed Top Chef this week. 

Did I set my DVR for Degrassi tonight? 

I'm hungry. 

I think I will bring in some pictures to hang on these stark white walls.  Maybe one of a kitten and one of the Care Bears. 

I wonder how old the printer in here is? 

I miss my dude.  

Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, the right stuff... 

Why is it that you can't get a fabulous cell phone signal in the Franklin Park Mall? 

I think I have to use the restroom.  Maybe not.

We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind...

It's nonstop random thoughts.  How does one deal?  Maybe I should just go back to listening so I can get it done.  There's a thought!

Friday, April 25, 2008 3:37:09 PM (Atlantic Standard Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [2] | 

Yes, it has been awhile since I have posted and I apologize.  I have been attempting to get used to my life as an ICU resident and it is not easy.  I feel like I've forgotten everything I've ever learned in nursing school.  No one ever tells you that what you learn in school basically gets thrown out the window and you have to adapt to it.  So many times I have found myself thinking, "That's not how we learned it in school," or "That's not the way the book says to do it."  HELLO! That is the hardest thing to do, throwing away everything you think you know and trying to do something you know the book didn't teach you.

Take IV's.  God bless my instructors at Lourdes College for teaching my how to "properly" tape an IV, but frankly, I have not used that technique outside of school.  It is just not something that gets used.  And for goodness sake, learning to put Foley catheters in NEVER works the way you learn it in school.  Not at all.  Not unless you are inserting it in a corpse.  But I digress.

The school way and reality are at opposite ends of the spectrum.  Just because you learn it a certain way in school does not mean that it will be set in stone forever.  The school way will not always be the be-all, end-all of nursing techniques.  I have had to throw some things completely out the window and adapt to the real world of nursing, which includes not using a u-chevron to secure an IV, doing wet-to-dry dressing changes without forceps and using non-sterile gloves while doing so.  It's hard to throw some things away and adapt, but sometimes it's hard to so you just keep doing it the school way.  Some things that I still do according to the school way include the technique for pushing IV meds, assessment, and giving shots. 

On top of adapting to these changes, I have to accept change every three weeks as I change units that regularly and I change preceptors even more often than that.  And don't get me started about preceptors. I have been blessed to have preceptors that rival the angels of heaven and I have been cursed to have preceptors that rival the spawn of the devil.  The latter are the ones who feed you to the wolves without thinking twice.  They leave you completely alone, fending for yourself, and then try to take credit for what you have done.  I am not kidding.  It has happened to me and it is not a picnic.  I have had to ask to be moved from my unit because I swear I have been tempted more than once to toss my preceptor out the window.  Sometimes those thoughts are all that gets me through the day. 

But alas, I am a lowly new nurse, and I've taken a lot of crap for having a Bachelor's degree from some of the above listed satan spawn.  To them, Bachelor's educated nurses don't have the clinical experience.  We are not as prepared as our Associate degree brethren.  However, after being paired with some new ADN nurses, we all feel that we are in the same boat. We all feel like we know nothing, that we lack what they don't and vice versa.  Just because I have a Bachelor's doesn't mean I'm dog poo.  Far from it.  Sorry I didn't wait to get 30 years under my belt first, but I don't plan on being on a unit forever.  So I played it smart. Big deal, get over it.

And another thing about the whole Bachelor's/ADN thing--the new ADN nurses I have been working with have become some of my closest friends at work.  Because there are only five BSN's in this residency, three of us in ICU, all of us from Lourdes, we are kind of hard to come by and we get paired up differently every few months.  These girls have become my lifeline at work.  I can't stress enough how important it is to form relationships with your work peers.  These friendships have gotten me through so much thus far. 

So, all of you nurses graduating in May or those of you just starting out and everyone in between:  take it from me, being a new grad is scary, stressful, awesome and fun all at once.  You need to be open to change and have the ability to adapt.  Without it, you will go nowhere fast.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008 6:01:34 PM (Atlantic Standard Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [2] | 

At least I'm not as bad as last week.  Last week was all work related.  This week it's life in general.  Life in general has had its way with me for the past few days.  And life in general comes in the form of beloved fiance.  We have been together for three years and at times it seems like three years too long.  We were raised differently in EVERY way possible, and naturally that makes things really interesting.  Or really irritating.  Or really awesome.  But I digress...

So we've been together this long, been engaged for almost a year, and we want to move in together.  Cool, I'm all for that.  So how much money should we have saved before we decide to vamos?  We've set some goals, and I, being the logical one, would like to have a happy little nest egg saved so that I may also be able to take care of my student loans when they get out of the grace period and have some money to buy some nice things with.  Well, apparently my beloved just wants to save "X" amount of money and once we get that then we'll move out the next weekend.  HUH?

Ok, so that's peachy and all for someone who flies by the seat of their pants. But for me, said weekend would more than likely fall somewhere into the area of my pinning ceremony, commencement, and graduation party.  But he just wants to move out.  And because I'm busy in May, that's just an excuse not to move out.  Where's the common ground here?  I guess I just feel like my priorities are not respected or recognized.  Just because I am out of college does not mean I focus on him 24/7.  He is a huge part of my life, but I am just getting into the swing of things with my new job and I'm trying to adjust. 

Well, what if we moved out here, or on this date, or whatever.  Newsflash:  We don't even know where we are going to live nor what our dwelling will be.  He'd be happy if we found a field of mud and made a house out of mud and slapped a tin roof on it.  As long as he's with me.  He'd have been happy if we went out last weekend and built an igloo.  As long as I'm with him.  I'm surprised he didn't go find a cave somewhere, build a fire and then bring home a carcass to show his devotion to me. 

I want to move out. I am so ready.  At 29 I still live with my parents.  My little brother has been out on his own for over 2 years.  I love my parents, but my mom has this menopause issue going on that sometimes proves quite entertaining but more often than not proves to be a nightmare.  It can be like living with Linda Blair from the Exorcist.  Then there's my dad.  He walks after work.  Then he sits at the computer.  Wow. Stimulating.  But that could also be a diversion from the Damien-like creature known as mom, who by the way, is convinced that an owl lives in the tree next door and she hears it on a nightly basis.  Maybe she's got more than menopause going on...

The long and short of is that I'm ready. But I'm afraid to get my feet wet.  What if I make a mistake? What if things get worse between me and my dude? What if, what if, what if...

To Be Continued...

Wednesday, March 26, 2008 5:51:05 PM (Atlantic Standard Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [1] | 

I am really irritated today. 

First, I just got home from work after being there for 13 hours and there is an extremely annoying banging sound outside my house.  I have looked out the windows and cannot locate said irritating noise, so either it's so loud it's travelling my way or it is merely a figment of my annoyed mind.  And it isn't stopping.

I just don't understand how or why certain people are the way they are.  It's like they've been living in a cave in an undiscovered part of the world and all of a sudden here they are.  I don't know how a person cannot know things about their health. Or why they are so ignorant about it that they go into respiratory arrest and nearly die yet they keep on keeping on.  I don't get it. 

I don't understand why people become helpless little lost bunnies when they are coming in for a procedure they have already had before.  And their families are equally helpless.  I understand being concerned, but questioning me every five minutes about a heart rate bouncing between 80 and 90 is a little excessive.  (By the way, that is a normal heart rate, and it fluctuates because of activity.)

No, you are not going to die if you get out of bed and sit in a chair.  But you will cause damage to your body if you don't move.  And the same goes for eating.  You need fluids and food to help your body.  Refusing to eat is not an option for getting better. 

Hospitals are scary places, I agree.  I am just getting comfortable with my new unit and it is still intimidating.  So please don't go poking around the machinery by yourself. Ask someone to explain it to you.  For example, don't mess with the oxygen meter while your father is using it to breathe.  It's programmed where it needs to be programmed and you technically aren't supposed to touch anything in the room besides the patient and the sink. 

I could go on and on, but I won't.  I just had one of those weeks--overbearing and uncooperative patients and overbearing uncooperative families.  It happens, I know.  So thanks for listening to my ranting. 

And that noise still has not stopped!

Thursday, March 20, 2008 8:10:29 PM (Atlantic Standard Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [0] | 

I am officially a nurse!!  I passed my boards on February 27 and now bear the coveted title of RN.  It's been a few weeks now and I still feel like a student, although it boosts my self-esteem when the women on my unit say, "Oh, Kim can help.  She's a nurse now."  So I get to do fun and interesting things now, like starting IV's, signing for blood products, taking and giving reports, and transporting patients. 

The best part of all is signing my name.  I know, I know. I spent five years in nursing school just to be excited about signing my name.  Well, when you get to add credentials after your name, tell me that you aren't proud and excited about it.  So now my signed name is Kim (Last Name), RN, BSN.  Wow.  Doesn't that look AWESOME???

I've been out of hospital orientation now for several weeks and have been in the cardiovascular recovery area.  In short it's basically a pre- and post- heart catheterization area.  Patients come in and wait to get taken to the cath lab and then they come back and recover there.  Yesterday I had a patient that required emergency open heart surgeryand I was able to see it.  That has been my dream since starting nursing school.  My nana had quadruple bypass six years ago.  That surgery was the catalyst to my career decision.

I have been on a mission since the beginning of school to see an open heart surgery, to know what the patient goes through while they are on the table.  And it happened yesterday.  It was by far the coolest thing I have ever seen.  I saw the heart and and what goes into a bypass.  I looked right over the patient's head and into their chest.  What a marvel the body is, to be able to be opened like that, and to see the heart beating was just, in my mind at least, a miracle and the realization that this person't heart was literally in the hands of the surgeon.  I was so amazed that I could barely pay attention to the doctor as he explained the surgery to me while he worked. 

To see the surgery was a dream come true.  I know now why patients have such pain.  Not only is the sternum (chest bone) sawed through, but they get veins sewn to the heart to create the bypass.  There is a lot of rustling around of the organ and a lot of trauma to the heart. But it saves lives.  And I finally got to experience it. 

Thursday, March 13, 2008 5:59:39 PM (Atlantic Standard Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [0] | 

I had a conversation today with the family member of a patient today that gave me an idea for a blog.  I know it's been covered before, but I think there are some things that were left off in regards to those of us older than the age of 25.  So here goes.

You are a True Toleoan if:

--You either remember going to Tiedtke's or your parents or grandparents told you about going there and what a great store it was.  You also know that when it burned down, downtown Toledo was never the same.

--You remember Portside was the place to be in downtown in the 80s.  You remember watching fudge being made, checking out the kites, or being scared of the statue of the "Maumee Monster"

--You know what the Maumee Monster looks like and believe you've probably seen it.

--You remember when you could take a horse and carriage ride around downtown, and if you were a little kid, you might have sat up front with the driver.

--You know that Walbridge Park wasn't always just a park.  It used to have rides, like a merry-go-round and a Ferris wheel.  You could go there at night and not worry about getting attacked.  If you're too young to remember this, ask your parents or grandparents--almost anyone from that era will remember it or have souvenirs from it.

--You know that Walbridge Park once had an entrance to the Yacht Club off of Broadway/Glendale.

--You remember the big earthquake scare back in the 1990s and kept wondering if it would really happen

--You remember the Arawanna Princess--maybe you were lucky enough to ride it.

--You remember when big concerts (Aerosmith, Def Leppard, Alice Cooper, etc.) came to Toledo and played at the Sports Arena and Savage Hall

--You remember when Savage Hall was called Centennial Hall.

--You remember when Six Pack on the River/the Lighthouse was Frank Uncle's and you also remembe the parking lot across the street also had a restaurant called the Mill.

--You remember when Mi Hacienda was The Surf

--You remember when the emergency room at Toledo Hospital was located where the new hospital was built.

--You remember when the hill at Filter Park behind Toledo Christian School collapsed and you had to start sledding at Harvard Elementary.

--You know that fire hydrants were yellow once.

--You remember when Harvard Cirlce was just a circle without an ugly fountain. 

--You were one of the culprits or knew someone who would put laundry detergent in the ugly fountain.

--You remember the Maumee Library used to be accessed from the front of the building.

--You remember when the Maumee Cinemas by Meijer opened.

--You remember new movies at the malls cost under $4

--You saw movies at Northtown Mall or Southwyck Mall

--You remember Black Night and White Night at Southwyck

--You remember when there were actually stores at Southwyck

--You know that Secor Lanes doesn't use electronic scoring

--You know what life was like without Meijer Wal Mart and you know what life was like with Foodtown.

--You shopped at Rink's Bargain City

--You went to Handy Andy's because Lowe's and Home Depot didn't exist 

--You know where Peaches/Coconuts Records and Boogie Records used to be.

--You remember Major Video being like the only place to get movies and video games.

--You remember when Plaskon was in business and where it was located (hint: Wal-Mart)

--You know that every time we get snow it's compared to the blizzard of 78--it's nothing like that now, yet people still drive like it is

--You know the last time we had a major tornado it was on Palm Sunday in 1965

I'm there's more to add, so feel free to comment! 

Later!

Friday, February 01, 2008 5:41:15 PM (Atlantic Standard Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [1] | 

So this is my very first blog as an alumnuae of Lourdes College.  Wow.  Where do I begin?  Well, first things first.  I am fresh out of school as of December 2007.  I received my RN-BSN and couldn't be happier with the education I had at Lourdes.  I will be taking my boards in March, and then I will be a very happy camper because I can finally be a real nurse.

Right now I'm working at The Toledo Hospital in the Nurse Intern/Residency program.  I just started last week and I am still in the school frame of mind--for example, remembering my patients' information so I can write my client report forms, thinking that I'm still in clinical and have to fit homework in somewhere...it's not quite set in yet that I am finished and I don't have to worry about that stuff anymore.

I am rotating through several different units at TTH.  Right now I'm in the ER for the next three weeks, so if any of you guys go to the ER at Toledo between the hours of 6:30 am and 7 pm, be sure to look me up.  :>)  I don't really know how I feel about being in the ER because that was just an area that never thrilled me to pieces.  I can sum it up in two words: organized chaos.  I've only been there for two days and it's insane.  I don't know how people function like that, running around like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to get stuff done, and then you turn around and you have another patient to take care of and now you have to drop what you're doing and get that person admitted while the other person you were taking care of first is complaining that you're taking too long.  WOW.  It is insane. 

So I function right now as a lost puppy dog/nursing assistant.  I spent most of Friday running after a 6 foot 2 inch nurse whose legs were as long as I am tall, and wheeling people to x-ray or CT scans, and helping people out to their cars or to the bathrooms, or doing damage control to keep people calm.  Chaotic. That's what emergency rooms are.  It's exciting at times, boring at other times.  I haven't been there long enough to make an educated decision about whether or not I like it.  I know that I'll be much better once I get onto the intensive care units, which is where I will end up once the residency is over in nine months. 

For now, I must get back to studying for my NCLEX.  I don't want to fail and have to pay another $275 to take the test again.  So in essence, I am still in the school mode with all this studying.  Old habits die hard, I suppose.  Peace.

Sunday, January 27, 2008 1:41:43 PM (Atlantic Standard Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [0] |