Here is the way an interview with Chris Matthews would really go:

Chris: Welcome to the show. I am THE Chris Matthews. Let's play Hardball - That is I throw the fastball and you get hit.

Matthews: Professor Lanigan, welcome to MY show

Lanigan: Thank You. I am...

Chris: Now, wait a minute. Why do you you professors always start out a sentence with I ? It's as though you think that the world really cares about you and what you have to say. Now, who are you supporting for President?

Lanigan: I am supporting Senator Obama. I..

Matthews: Now, wait just a minute. Do you really think that you, as a professor, should be indicating who you are supporting for president? Are you one of those professors who tries to shove his beliefs down the collective throats of students who have paid a lot of money to sit in your classes? Anyway, why do you support Obama?

Lanigan: I believe that his vision for...

Matthews: HOLD ON. There is that word vision again. That means nothing. People aren't interested in vision. Vision doesn't put food on the table or pay the electric bill.  Anyway, do you believe that Hillary Clinton should drop out of the race at this point?

Lanigan: It would probably be good for the party if she....

Matthews: Come on. There you go again. It sounds as though that is your party. Are all professors Democrats? That is what is wrong with this country today. There is no unbiased objective commentary out there, except , of course, on MY show. Now, calling upon the enormous amount of collective wisdom that you and other professors think, unjustly so, that they possess, please inform those of us who aren't as brilliant as you are, who will win the presidential election that the country will be experiencing come this November, and keep in mind that the election will not be until November so all that you say at this point is really meaningless.

Lanigan: Regardless of who gets the nomination of the Democratic Party, the general election will be close....

Matthews: Stop now. You are not saying anything that I don't already know. Have some substance to what you say. I could have brought on someone from the Fixed News Channel for that brilliant analysis. Why do you professors always hedge your bet? Come out and take a stance. But, I am afraid that we will have to wait until your next appearance on the show, which will occur when the Cleveland Indians win the World Series, to learn what nobody really wants to know anyway and that is who you think will win the election, which by the way I would like to inform those in the largely uninformed public will be held next November. Now, of course, if they tuned in every other hour to MY show, they would not be as uneducated as they are. I have found this to be very enlightening but then again everything that I say is enlightening. Now, I hesitate to say this because I know that professors have a tendency to talk too much, but do you have any final word to say to the public that is on the edge of their seats waiting for you to actually say something that will be of some value as they try hard to make it in an economy that is frankly in horrendous shape thanks to politicians who have no understanding of what is happening in the lives of ordinary people and to television commentators who are afraid and unwilliing to ask the tough questions of their elected officials?

Lanigan: Yes, thank you for having me on Mr. Biden. Now you can go.....

Matthews: See, I knew that you couldn't end this spectacular interview with just one word.

Saturday, March 29, 2008 12:09:44 PM (Atlantic Standard Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [1] |