Yes, it has been awhile since I have posted and I apologize.  I have been attempting to get used to my life as an ICU resident and it is not easy.  I feel like I've forgotten everything I've ever learned in nursing school.  No one ever tells you that what you learn in school basically gets thrown out the window and you have to adapt to it.  So many times I have found myself thinking, "That's not how we learned it in school," or "That's not the way the book says to do it."  HELLO! That is the hardest thing to do, throwing away everything you think you know and trying to do something you know the book didn't teach you.

Take IV's.  God bless my instructors at Lourdes College for teaching my how to "properly" tape an IV, but frankly, I have not used that technique outside of school.  It is just not something that gets used.  And for goodness sake, learning to put Foley catheters in NEVER works the way you learn it in school.  Not at all.  Not unless you are inserting it in a corpse.  But I digress.

The school way and reality are at opposite ends of the spectrum.  Just because you learn it a certain way in school does not mean that it will be set in stone forever.  The school way will not always be the be-all, end-all of nursing techniques.  I have had to throw some things completely out the window and adapt to the real world of nursing, which includes not using a u-chevron to secure an IV, doing wet-to-dry dressing changes without forceps and using non-sterile gloves while doing so.  It's hard to throw some things away and adapt, but sometimes it's hard to so you just keep doing it the school way.  Some things that I still do according to the school way include the technique for pushing IV meds, assessment, and giving shots. 

On top of adapting to these changes, I have to accept change every three weeks as I change units that regularly and I change preceptors even more often than that.  And don't get me started about preceptors. I have been blessed to have preceptors that rival the angels of heaven and I have been cursed to have preceptors that rival the spawn of the devil.  The latter are the ones who feed you to the wolves without thinking twice.  They leave you completely alone, fending for yourself, and then try to take credit for what you have done.  I am not kidding.  It has happened to me and it is not a picnic.  I have had to ask to be moved from my unit because I swear I have been tempted more than once to toss my preceptor out the window.  Sometimes those thoughts are all that gets me through the day. 

But alas, I am a lowly new nurse, and I've taken a lot of crap for having a Bachelor's degree from some of the above listed satan spawn.  To them, Bachelor's educated nurses don't have the clinical experience.  We are not as prepared as our Associate degree brethren.  However, after being paired with some new ADN nurses, we all feel that we are in the same boat. We all feel like we know nothing, that we lack what they don't and vice versa.  Just because I have a Bachelor's doesn't mean I'm dog poo.  Far from it.  Sorry I didn't wait to get 30 years under my belt first, but I don't plan on being on a unit forever.  So I played it smart. Big deal, get over it.

And another thing about the whole Bachelor's/ADN thing--the new ADN nurses I have been working with have become some of my closest friends at work.  Because there are only five BSN's in this residency, three of us in ICU, all of us from Lourdes, we are kind of hard to come by and we get paired up differently every few months.  These girls have become my lifeline at work.  I can't stress enough how important it is to form relationships with your work peers.  These friendships have gotten me through so much thus far. 

So, all of you nurses graduating in May or those of you just starting out and everyone in between:  take it from me, being a new grad is scary, stressful, awesome and fun all at once.  You need to be open to change and have the ability to adapt.  Without it, you will go nowhere fast.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008 6:01:34 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [2] | 

Haven't written in a while, and I guess that after I got all over Tom, Joyce and Dale for that very thing, I should probably keep from lapsing into oblivion.

The problem has been that here in Business, we have some monumental things coming up that have been draining my time.

First, we are going for accreditation, and expect a site visit next week. You faculty know what that means, but for students, let me just say that I'm only slightly exaggerating when I say that the shape of our future depends on this. This IS a huge deal, and there are millions of things that have to be taken care of before, during and right after this visit. Please wish us luck. I don't believe there has ever been a site visit to this college that has been so underpromoted. Almost no one outside business knows this is happening, which is quite different from the many other visits Lourdes has hosted. I admit that does bother me a bit. The stress is the same, but the support has been underwhelming. We could use some support.

Then we have the dedication of the Center for Professional Studies the following week. A couple of us have been waiting for this day for 7 or 8 years. It is also a big thing. We are more than excited, we are hopeful.

I'll write when I get the time. Considering the fact that I've put in 5 of the last 6 non-promotional entries in the faculty blog section, I'm not stupid enough to think that anyone really notices. It's all good, I'm enjoying it.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008 3:02:17 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [4] | 

I recently had one of those moments when I could’ve sworn my thoughts appeared to everybody else in a bubble above my head and my environment was really drawn by the same people who did Bugs Bunny for Warner Brothers. (best cartoons EVER, by the way.)

I wanted to borrow a CD from the excellent Toledo Lucas County Public Library system. They have so much stuff and have made it incredibly easy to do. I’ve done it hundreds of times—go online, access the catalog, find the wanted material, and request it sent to the branch of my choice. Hundreds of times.

This time was different for some reason.

I had to get the song Purple People Eater. Just had to. Don’t worry, it’s a real oldie and it’s never coming back. The One-Eyed, One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater. The question about that song was never “Why are we listening to such awful stuff?” (answer: it’s fun) but always “Is he himself purple or does he eat purple people?” There really isn’t any way I could start wondering and then stop wondering.

I found the disc I wanted after searching just a little. I asked for them to have it ready for me at the Washington branch; it’s pretty close to my home. I was encouraged because I noted that there was a disc available in a few places, one of them being the Washington branch. Should I just go in there myself and get it from the stacks or should I order it online, make them walk out, retrieve it, and bring it back to the desk for me? I actually thought about it for a minute before I ordered it.

Then I waited for the call to tell me my disc was ready. And I waited. And then I waited some more. Five days I waited. Checking back on line, I saw that this item was marked IN TRANSIT on my account. In transit? They have a copy in the building!  

After a week I went to the library to take care of this. I’ll walk back to the stacks myself if I have to, but I’m getting to the bottom of this.

“Can I help you?”

“Yeah, thanks. I have a disc ordered; I’d like to get it please.”

“It says here that it is in transit. That means…”

“I know what that means, thanks. I was wondering if you could tell me why it’s been in transit for a week now.”

“Sometimes it just takes a while.”

I thought ‘Oh come on. Toledo isn’t THAT big.’

I said, “It takes a while, huh? Ma’am, isn’t it true that this item is available right here in this branch?”

I couldn’t stop thinking about this poor disc in the back of the library. It probably hadn’t been requested in years and years, and now that he’s needed again, no one knows he’s here. I envisioned this poor disc thinking that ‘if no one knows I’m here, I’ll have to get to the front desk myself,’ forcing himself off the rack, and trying to walk to the desk. Of course he’s been in transit for over a week. He doesn’t have legs!

I realized she had been speaking to me this whole time. I’d better listen.

I hear “It’s coming from Toledo Heights.” “Sir? Sir?”

Of course I was now thinking ‘Toledo has Heights? I’ve lived here my whole life and now I hear that Toledo has Heights? Where exactly? I thought that the 3 foot rise on the way to the front door of The Learning Center was the highest elevation in NW Ohio’

Back to the present, with a note to myself to take the time to find these heights and climb them.

“Sir? Are you alright?”

“Ma’am, listen very carefully, please. I believe you should see that you have a copy of this disc right here. Why can’t I just have that one?”

“Well, that’s highly unusual.”

?????????????????? I thought, 'It isn’t unusual that you have people bringing this disc down from The Great Heights of Toledo and “transited” across town when you have one here? You say THIS is unusual?' ???????????

“Sir? Sir? I think I’ll just get that for you, ok?”

“My thoughts exactly. Thanks very much.”

Turns out I remembered it correctly; it is a pretty fun tune. Dated like all get out, but fun. I wondered how many other tunes have faded into my memory waiting to be remembered and enjoyed again, but those are thoughts for another time.

And incidentally, he says in the song that he eats purple people. Of course he does.

Friday, April 04, 2008 3:29:43 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [1] | 

I have found it hard to break away from thinking about Dr. King and our nation’s trek toward equality after my last blog. I would so love to believe that “The Dream” has gotten closer to reality, but I see mixed results at best. How do you make sense of some of this stuff?

We all know about the remarkable journey of Senator Obama. He keeps going, getting ever nearer the goal, dealing with race in ways I didn’t think would happen in my lifetime. Every American now has to deal with his/her convictions, no more putting it off. It’s wonderful.

At the same time, I can’t get past the stats released by the Department of Justice recently. In case you haven’t yet seen it, let me explain why I bring it up here. The numbers describe who exactly is in our jails, and it is a real eye-opener.

There are many numbers here, and almost all of the stats make you scratch your head, but let me focus on just a couple.

First, the DOJ says that of all those incarcerated in the U.S., over 40% are black, 36% white. What is that all about? 13% of the population as a whole, 40% of the jailed population? I don’t know, statistics students, would that be significant?

Next, take a look at this. 1 in 106 white men age 18 or older are in prison. I guess that seems about right, but I don’t really know what the optimal number would be except maybe 0. What I do know is that this next number, even with different age parameters, puts it in a different perspective.

1 in 9 black men age 20 to 34 are in prison. 11%? Impossible. How can that be? When I heard these numbers first on NPR I thought that surely I had heard it wrong. Maybe I was actually paying attention to my driving and not listening carefully. I know, that doesn’t sound much like me. Of course I then checked it out and there it was.

I guess it would be prudent to mention the female totals, they are interesting as well. In case you wondered, about 11 out of every 12 prisoners in America are male. (Oh good, something we can joke about.) Using that as a basis, let’s look at the racial makeup: 1 in 355 white women age 35 to 39 are in prison, while 1 in 100 black women of the same age bracket (35 to 39) are likewise incarcerated.    

There have to be reasons beyond the obvious. I’m not sure how to understand this especially in light of the presidential race. Any thoughts? Any comments? Any solutions? Li'l help.

Maybe we’re just still dreaming.

Sources: U.S Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2006.

              Pew Public Safety Project

              Time Magazine

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 12:40:13 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [3] | 

This week is the 40^th anniversary of the death of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. It’s hard to believe that the number 40 is correct. Really? Could it have been that long ago?

There are reminiscences and interviews, tributes and ‘what-ifs’ galore, and you’ll have to try hard to avoid them. Well, if you want to avoid them, stop reading this now.

I remember that day well. I was a young man (yes, it’s hard to believe, but I actually was young at one time. Stop it) and I think I lacked a bit of perspective. Looking back, I think the whole country did as well. Surprised but not shocked. It felt as though the event had a certain inevitability to it.

I remember the times. It’s hard to believe, but assassinations were, while not commonplace, occurring with some regularity. President Kennedy was shot and killed in Dallas, and his alleged assassin was himself killed days later, all of this live on television. Three New York Civil Rights workers were murdered in Mississippi while pushing to register voters. Malcolm X was similarly killed earlier that decade. Horror seemed to simply change to anger and angst, but not righteous outrage. If you were trying to change the mindsets of people who were benefiting from the status quo, apparently death was going to be a part of the equation. It was more than just a symbolic risk you took, there was a good chance.

Violence seemed to be everywhere; war in Southeast Asia, riots in Watts and Detroit, political upheaval everywhere you looked.

Amid all of that, I do remember how the idea of Nonviolent Resistance took hold of people. What a powerful message for all of us. What courage it took to do what he did! This was truly someone I could use to measure myself and my life against, always striving to be better. I got courage from watching him face constant anger and violence with calm purpose. It was hard to believe that anybody could do that knowing what could happen.

Of course, the manner of his death unleashed that message and keeps Dr. King alive. Nonviolent Resistance still communicates and accomplishes where violence doesn’t. His son delivered that thought to us here at Lourdes College recently and brought all of this back to me.

40 years ago. It’s hard to believe in so many ways.

Monday, March 31, 2008 2:27:02 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [0] | 

The following is a transcript from the show Hardball with Chris Matthews:

Chris:   In the last segment of our show tonight we examine the proliferation of blogging today. Our guest is from Sylvania, Ohio and has recently become the 200 millionth blogger. We welcome Dane Copti to Hardball.

Dane:   Hi Chris, thanks for having me on the show. Wow. There must be over 10 people watching.

C:         Very funny. Tell me why you think we need 200 million people blogging?

D:         I didn’t say I think we need it.

C:         Ok. So why are you doing this?

D:         Seriously, I don’t know. I don’t have the time, I really don’t. Just to write this baloney today I’ve put off grading my 200 millionth paper. I keep thinking that if I had the time I’d do something great with my life. Instead I’m starting this. I don’t know how I get off the track sometimes.

C:         You must have some goals for your blog.

D:         You’d think, but no. I am not trying to advance humanity, teach, or even elevate anything. Some days I believe that I have something worthwhile to say, but then I remember that everyone thinks that sometime. Goals? No, not really. So in the middle of a brutal semester I think I should start blogging. What an idiot.

C:         (aside) who booked this guy?

C:         OK, fascinating. We’re off for a short break. Don’t go anywhere.

During the break:

C:         Man, maybe you should go get an anti-depressant.

D:         Thanks, but I’ll be fine.

C:         Not for you, for me.

C:         OK, we’re back with Dane Copti, 'Blogger Superfluous'. Dane, do you have any positive thoughts about this project?

D:         Oh sure, Chris. In the end I think I’m doing this because I DO have things I want to say for myself. If no one reads it, fine, but I get my say. I love Lourdes College. I love my job, my profession, NW Ohio. I love my daughter, my friends, my life, and I like to write. I’ll find the time somewhere and other things will suffer for it. I’ll look up later and realize that important things will have gone undone and I’ll be at a total loss as to why. It’s ok; I’ll probably just blame George Bush for it.

C:         Excellent. In the last few seconds, is there anything else you want to say?

D:         Yeah. I have some things to say to my fellow faculty bloggers.

Joyce Litten, what happened to you? I read about the End of the Conservatist Agenda then I wait for more. And wait. Are you kidding me? You mean to tell me nothing is happening anywhere in the world that would follow that? Where are you? Oh yeah, probably busy. Does that come as a total surprise?

Tom Estrella? I know there are things you want to say. How do I know this? YOU’RE TOM ESTRELLA! That’s how I know it. What happened? You got on the front page of the Blade and figured you met all of your goals? Elvis as the Antichrist left me wanting more. I never got any more. It’s been only 6 months, so I guess I need to learn patience.

Finally, Dale Lanigan. Important stuff you’re writing there, Dale. Look, everyone knows that people often confuse us for each other. We look so much alike you’d think we were separated at birth. But blogging? In a moment of sheer profundity, you asked about the words to the song “Take On Me”. How terribly deep! I actually got an email from a well-meaning student complete with the lyrics. Keep it up, Dale. Maybe we’ll even get an easy opening CD from this.

Come on, faculty. Our blog page is little more than promotional announcements anymore. Don’t get me wrong, IA does a good job, but please.

C:         Thanks, Dane, and thanks to all of you for watching. Countdown with Keith Olbermann starts right now.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008 7:19:45 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [1] | 

At least I'm not as bad as last week.  Last week was all work related.  This week it's life in general.  Life in general has had its way with me for the past few days.  And life in general comes in the form of beloved fiance.  We have been together for three years and at times it seems like three years too long.  We were raised differently in EVERY way possible, and naturally that makes things really interesting.  Or really irritating.  Or really awesome.  But I digress...

So we've been together this long, been engaged for almost a year, and we want to move in together.  Cool, I'm all for that.  So how much money should we have saved before we decide to vamos?  We've set some goals, and I, being the logical one, would like to have a happy little nest egg saved so that I may also be able to take care of my student loans when they get out of the grace period and have some money to buy some nice things with.  Well, apparently my beloved just wants to save "X" amount of money and once we get that then we'll move out the next weekend.  HUH?

Ok, so that's peachy and all for someone who flies by the seat of their pants. But for me, said weekend would more than likely fall somewhere into the area of my pinning ceremony, commencement, and graduation party.  But he just wants to move out.  And because I'm busy in May, that's just an excuse not to move out.  Where's the common ground here?  I guess I just feel like my priorities are not respected or recognized.  Just because I am out of college does not mean I focus on him 24/7.  He is a huge part of my life, but I am just getting into the swing of things with my new job and I'm trying to adjust. 

Well, what if we moved out here, or on this date, or whatever.  Newsflash:  We don't even know where we are going to live nor what our dwelling will be.  He'd be happy if we found a field of mud and made a house out of mud and slapped a tin roof on it.  As long as he's with me.  He'd have been happy if we went out last weekend and built an igloo.  As long as I'm with him.  I'm surprised he didn't go find a cave somewhere, build a fire and then bring home a carcass to show his devotion to me. 

I want to move out. I am so ready.  At 29 I still live with my parents.  My little brother has been out on his own for over 2 years.  I love my parents, but my mom has this menopause issue going on that sometimes proves quite entertaining but more often than not proves to be a nightmare.  It can be like living with Linda Blair from the Exorcist.  Then there's my dad.  He walks after work.  Then he sits at the computer.  Wow. Stimulating.  But that could also be a diversion from the Damien-like creature known as mom, who by the way, is convinced that an owl lives in the tree next door and she hears it on a nightly basis.  Maybe she's got more than menopause going on...

The long and short of is that I'm ready. But I'm afraid to get my feet wet.  What if I make a mistake? What if things get worse between me and my dude? What if, what if, what if...

To Be Continued...

Wednesday, March 26, 2008 5:51:05 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [1] | 

I am really irritated today. 

First, I just got home from work after being there for 13 hours and there is an extremely annoying banging sound outside my house.  I have looked out the windows and cannot locate said irritating noise, so either it's so loud it's travelling my way or it is merely a figment of my annoyed mind.  And it isn't stopping.

I just don't understand how or why certain people are the way they are.  It's like they've been living in a cave in an undiscovered part of the world and all of a sudden here they are.  I don't know how a person cannot know things about their health. Or why they are so ignorant about it that they go into respiratory arrest and nearly die yet they keep on keeping on.  I don't get it. 

I don't understand why people become helpless little lost bunnies when they are coming in for a procedure they have already had before.  And their families are equally helpless.  I understand being concerned, but questioning me every five minutes about a heart rate bouncing between 80 and 90 is a little excessive.  (By the way, that is a normal heart rate, and it fluctuates because of activity.)

No, you are not going to die if you get out of bed and sit in a chair.  But you will cause damage to your body if you don't move.  And the same goes for eating.  You need fluids and food to help your body.  Refusing to eat is not an option for getting better. 

Hospitals are scary places, I agree.  I am just getting comfortable with my new unit and it is still intimidating.  So please don't go poking around the machinery by yourself. Ask someone to explain it to you.  For example, don't mess with the oxygen meter while your father is using it to breathe.  It's programmed where it needs to be programmed and you technically aren't supposed to touch anything in the room besides the patient and the sink. 

I could go on and on, but I won't.  I just had one of those weeks--overbearing and uncooperative patients and overbearing uncooperative families.  It happens, I know.  So thanks for listening to my ranting. 

And that noise still has not stopped!

Thursday, March 20, 2008 8:10:29 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)    Comments [0] |