It is absolutely beautiful outside and I am stuck in a basement computer room at the hospital working on my ECCO (Essentials of Critical Care Orientation).  Yes, I should be paying attention, but it's a web-based program that has a voice with a speech impediment.  Not that I am knocking anyone who has one, but to listen to a woman with a weird New England-type accent mispronounce words for roughly four hours at a time--I mean, really, come on now.

I am counting down the hours--it's been about 2 1/2 and I have another 1 1/2 to go, but there are so many better things I could be doing right now.  Like being outside.  And going for a cruise.  And getting some ice cream from some little hole in the wall roadside place.  And walking through a park.  And feeding some ducks/geese.  And I could go on and on, but alas I will not as this blog could easily become a list of the things I would do right now if I were not stuck in this room the size of a broom closet. 

And I digress...

I just finished my rotation on another unit this week and on Monday I start anew yet again.  Only now I'm on nights.  Yippee ki ay.  And yes, there is a lot of sarcastic enthusiasm there.  But I guess it's not that bad.  It's really the issue of working on the unit from 7p-3a and then sitting in front of a computer from 3a-7a to work on ECCO.  I tried it for an hour yesterday morning and I was ready to curl up in an empty hospital bed somewhere.  So I left and have to make up my hours on my day off.  Sure, I was off yesterday, but my plans to be here were thwarted by the fact that I had to drive to Findlay to pick up my brother from the hospital (nothing serious).  So that took up a few minutes of my time.  Then, he was hungry, had to return something to Best Buy, yadda yadda, and I'm like, seriously dude, you got a shot of morphine so let's get you home.  When all was said and done, I had no time left to come here. 

But here I am today.  And I'm so over it already.  Being alone in this room with nothing but a computer (cell phones don't work down here) really makes a person's thoughts wander. 

I have to make a hair appointment. 

Will the hospital track me down if they find out I'm surfing bored.com?  

Why doesn't environmental services come and clean up this room more often? 

I can't believe that I missed Top Chef this week. 

Did I set my DVR for Degrassi tonight? 

I'm hungry. 

I think I will bring in some pictures to hang on these stark white walls.  Maybe one of a kitten and one of the Care Bears. 

I wonder how old the printer in here is? 

I miss my dude.  

Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, the right stuff... 

Why is it that you can't get a fabulous cell phone signal in the Franklin Park Mall? 

I think I have to use the restroom.  Maybe not.

We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind...

It's nonstop random thoughts.  How does one deal?  Maybe I should just go back to listening so I can get it done.  There's a thought!

Friday, April 25, 2008 2:37:09 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [2] | 

If you were anywhere near Sylvania, Ohio last week, you may have sensed a great deal of energy – especially on the campus of the Sisters of St. Francis. About ninety members of our congregation gathered for our once-every-four-years General Chapter (a week-long meeting during which we talked about the issues that we want to focus on during the next four years and we elected our leadership team). Okay, it’s not quite on the same scale as the gatherings that are taking place this week to greet Pope Benedict, but for those of us who were part of the Chapter meeting it was a remarkable, energizing, and spirit-filled week.

People often ask if I’m worried about the fact that there are fewer women choosing to become Sisters. The honest answer to that? Yes and no. It’s easy to get caught up in the numbers and the uncertainty about the future. You start to wonder who’s going to be here in 50 years and what will happen to our ministries. And then you find yourself in a room with 90+ women who are joyful, committed, and passionate about what they do and why they do it. You are reminded that you’re part of a bigger whole and that God is really the one who is in charge of all this. The founding Sisters who lived in this community 90 years ago never imagined what our life would be like today. We certainly can’t imagine what the face of this community will look like 90 years into the future.

So you move forward in hope and you trust that in the grand scheme of things, the message of the Gospel – the message of love and of hope – continues to touch people’s lives.

Thursday, April 17, 2008 5:22:04 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] | 

I just finished watching a video of Benedict XVI on YouTube. The Pope on YouTube – how the world is changing! It must be humbling to be in Benedict’s spot – to know that the world is watching you. And it must be frustrating – to know that everything you say gets re-hashed and re-interpreted.

In this video and in the news articles before his arrival in the U.S., the Pope has said that he comes to bring a message of hope. In this whirlwind visit, the stops seem so appropriate. Ground Zero and the United Nations…places that speak of the need for a change of heart. Catholic University of America and a gathering of college presidents…a reminder that education can open the door to that change.

I’m not fond of crowds and I don’t like long lines, but listening to all the news around this brief visit takes me back to John Paul II’s visit to Detroit in the 1980’s. I was one those folks in Hart Plaza back then trying to get a better glimpse of him through the zoom lens on my camera. The energy in that sea of people made the jostling and the waiting all worth it.

What are your feelings about this visit?

Thursday, April 17, 2008 4:56:26 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] | 

Yes, it has been awhile since I have posted and I apologize.  I have been attempting to get used to my life as an ICU resident and it is not easy.  I feel like I've forgotten everything I've ever learned in nursing school.  No one ever tells you that what you learn in school basically gets thrown out the window and you have to adapt to it.  So many times I have found myself thinking, "That's not how we learned it in school," or "That's not the way the book says to do it."  HELLO! That is the hardest thing to do, throwing away everything you think you know and trying to do something you know the book didn't teach you.

Take IV's.  God bless my instructors at Lourdes College for teaching my how to "properly" tape an IV, but frankly, I have not used that technique outside of school.  It is just not something that gets used.  And for goodness sake, learning to put Foley catheters in NEVER works the way you learn it in school.  Not at all.  Not unless you are inserting it in a corpse.  But I digress.

The school way and reality are at opposite ends of the spectrum.  Just because you learn it a certain way in school does not mean that it will be set in stone forever.  The school way will not always be the be-all, end-all of nursing techniques.  I have had to throw some things completely out the window and adapt to the real world of nursing, which includes not using a u-chevron to secure an IV, doing wet-to-dry dressing changes without forceps and using non-sterile gloves while doing so.  It's hard to throw some things away and adapt, but sometimes it's hard to so you just keep doing it the school way.  Some things that I still do according to the school way include the technique for pushing IV meds, assessment, and giving shots. 

On top of adapting to these changes, I have to accept change every three weeks as I change units that regularly and I change preceptors even more often than that.  And don't get me started about preceptors. I have been blessed to have preceptors that rival the angels of heaven and I have been cursed to have preceptors that rival the spawn of the devil.  The latter are the ones who feed you to the wolves without thinking twice.  They leave you completely alone, fending for yourself, and then try to take credit for what you have done.  I am not kidding.  It has happened to me and it is not a picnic.  I have had to ask to be moved from my unit because I swear I have been tempted more than once to toss my preceptor out the window.  Sometimes those thoughts are all that gets me through the day. 

But alas, I am a lowly new nurse, and I've taken a lot of crap for having a Bachelor's degree from some of the above listed satan spawn.  To them, Bachelor's educated nurses don't have the clinical experience.  We are not as prepared as our Associate degree brethren.  However, after being paired with some new ADN nurses, we all feel that we are in the same boat. We all feel like we know nothing, that we lack what they don't and vice versa.  Just because I have a Bachelor's doesn't mean I'm dog poo.  Far from it.  Sorry I didn't wait to get 30 years under my belt first, but I don't plan on being on a unit forever.  So I played it smart. Big deal, get over it.

And another thing about the whole Bachelor's/ADN thing--the new ADN nurses I have been working with have become some of my closest friends at work.  Because there are only five BSN's in this residency, three of us in ICU, all of us from Lourdes, we are kind of hard to come by and we get paired up differently every few months.  These girls have become my lifeline at work.  I can't stress enough how important it is to form relationships with your work peers.  These friendships have gotten me through so much thus far. 

So, all of you nurses graduating in May or those of you just starting out and everyone in between:  take it from me, being a new grad is scary, stressful, awesome and fun all at once.  You need to be open to change and have the ability to adapt.  Without it, you will go nowhere fast.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008 5:01:34 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [2] | 

Haven't written in a while, and I guess that after I got all over Tom, Joyce and Dale for that very thing, I should probably keep from lapsing into oblivion.

The problem has been that here in Business, we have some monumental things coming up that have been draining my time.

First, we are going for accreditation, and expect a site visit next week. You faculty know what that means, but for students, let me just say that I'm only slightly exaggerating when I say that the shape of our future depends on this. This IS a huge deal, and there are millions of things that have to be taken care of before, during and right after this visit. Please wish us luck. I don't believe there has ever been a site visit to this college that has been so underpromoted. Almost no one outside business knows this is happening, which is quite different from the many other visits Lourdes has hosted. I admit that does bother me a bit. The stress is the same, but the support has been underwhelming. We could use some support.

Then we have the dedication of the Center for Professional Studies the following week. A couple of us have been waiting for this day for 7 or 8 years. It is also a big thing. We are more than excited, we are hopeful.

I'll write when I get the time. Considering the fact that I've put in 5 of the last 6 non-promotional entries in the faculty blog section, I'm not stupid enough to think that anyone really notices. It's all good, I'm enjoying it.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008 2:02:17 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [4] | 

I recently had one of those moments when I could’ve sworn my thoughts appeared to everybody else in a bubble above my head and my environment was really drawn by the same people who did Bugs Bunny for Warner Brothers. (best cartoons EVER, by the way.)

I wanted to borrow a CD from the excellent Toledo Lucas County Public Library system. They have so much stuff and have made it incredibly easy to do. I’ve done it hundreds of times—go online, access the catalog, find the wanted material, and request it sent to the branch of my choice. Hundreds of times.

This time was different for some reason.

I had to get the song Purple People Eater. Just had to. Don’t worry, it’s a real oldie and it’s never coming back. The One-Eyed, One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater. The question about that song was never “Why are we listening to such awful stuff?” (answer: it’s fun) but always “Is he himself purple or does he eat purple people?” There really isn’t any way I could start wondering and then stop wondering.

I found the disc I wanted after searching just a little. I asked for them to have it ready for me at the Washington branch; it’s pretty close to my home. I was encouraged because I noted that there was a disc available in a few places, one of them being the Washington branch. Should I just go in there myself and get it from the stacks or should I order it online, make them walk out, retrieve it, and bring it back to the desk for me? I actually thought about it for a minute before I ordered it.

Then I waited for the call to tell me my disc was ready. And I waited. And then I waited some more. Five days I waited. Checking back on line, I saw that this item was marked IN TRANSIT on my account. In transit? They have a copy in the building!  

After a week I went to the library to take care of this. I’ll walk back to the stacks myself if I have to, but I’m getting to the bottom of this.

“Can I help you?”

“Yeah, thanks. I have a disc ordered; I’d like to get it please.”

“It says here that it is in transit. That means…”

“I know what that means, thanks. I was wondering if you could tell me why it’s been in transit for a week now.”

“Sometimes it just takes a while.”

I thought ‘Oh come on. Toledo isn’t THAT big.’

I said, “It takes a while, huh? Ma’am, isn’t it true that this item is available right here in this branch?”

I couldn’t stop thinking about this poor disc in the back of the library. It probably hadn’t been requested in years and years, and now that he’s needed again, no one knows he’s here. I envisioned this poor disc thinking that ‘if no one knows I’m here, I’ll have to get to the front desk myself,’ forcing himself off the rack, and trying to walk to the desk. Of course he’s been in transit for over a week. He doesn’t have legs!

I realized she had been speaking to me this whole time. I’d better listen.

I hear “It’s coming from Toledo Heights.” “Sir? Sir?”

Of course I was now thinking ‘Toledo has Heights? I’ve lived here my whole life and now I hear that Toledo has Heights? Where exactly? I thought that the 3 foot rise on the way to the front door of The Learning Center was the highest elevation in NW Ohio’

Back to the present, with a note to myself to take the time to find these heights and climb them.

“Sir? Are you alright?”

“Ma’am, listen very carefully, please. I believe you should see that you have a copy of this disc right here. Why can’t I just have that one?”

“Well, that’s highly unusual.”

?????????????????? I thought, 'It isn’t unusual that you have people bringing this disc down from The Great Heights of Toledo and “transited” across town when you have one here? You say THIS is unusual?' ???????????

“Sir? Sir? I think I’ll just get that for you, ok?”

“My thoughts exactly. Thanks very much.”

Turns out I remembered it correctly; it is a pretty fun tune. Dated like all get out, but fun. I wondered how many other tunes have faded into my memory waiting to be remembered and enjoyed again, but those are thoughts for another time.

And incidentally, he says in the song that he eats purple people. Of course he does.

Friday, April 04, 2008 2:29:43 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [1] | 

I have found it hard to break away from thinking about Dr. King and our nation’s trek toward equality after my last blog. I would so love to believe that “The Dream” has gotten closer to reality, but I see mixed results at best. How do you make sense of some of this stuff?

We all know about the remarkable journey of Senator Obama. He keeps going, getting ever nearer the goal, dealing with race in ways I didn’t think would happen in my lifetime. Every American now has to deal with his/her convictions, no more putting it off. It’s wonderful.

At the same time, I can’t get past the stats released by the Department of Justice recently. In case you haven’t yet seen it, let me explain why I bring it up here. The numbers describe who exactly is in our jails, and it is a real eye-opener.

There are many numbers here, and almost all of the stats make you scratch your head, but let me focus on just a couple.

First, the DOJ says that of all those incarcerated in the U.S., over 40% are black, 36% white. What is that all about? 13% of the population as a whole, 40% of the jailed population? I don’t know, statistics students, would that be significant?

Next, take a look at this. 1 in 106 white men age 18 or older are in prison. I guess that seems about right, but I don’t really know what the optimal number would be except maybe 0. What I do know is that this next number, even with different age parameters, puts it in a different perspective.

1 in 9 black men age 20 to 34 are in prison. 11%? Impossible. How can that be? When I heard these numbers first on NPR I thought that surely I had heard it wrong. Maybe I was actually paying attention to my driving and not listening carefully. I know, that doesn’t sound much like me. Of course I then checked it out and there it was.

I guess it would be prudent to mention the female totals, they are interesting as well. In case you wondered, about 11 out of every 12 prisoners in America are male. (Oh good, something we can joke about.) Using that as a basis, let’s look at the racial makeup: 1 in 355 white women age 35 to 39 are in prison, while 1 in 100 black women of the same age bracket (35 to 39) are likewise incarcerated.    

There have to be reasons beyond the obvious. I’m not sure how to understand this especially in light of the presidential race. Any thoughts? Any comments? Any solutions? Li'l help.

Maybe we’re just still dreaming.

Sources: U.S Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2006.

              Pew Public Safety Project

              Time Magazine

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 11:40:13 AM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [3] | 

This week is the 40^th anniversary of the death of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. It’s hard to believe that the number 40 is correct. Really? Could it have been that long ago?

There are reminiscences and interviews, tributes and ‘what-ifs’ galore, and you’ll have to try hard to avoid them. Well, if you want to avoid them, stop reading this now.

I remember that day well. I was a young man (yes, it’s hard to believe, but I actually was young at one time. Stop it) and I think I lacked a bit of perspective. Looking back, I think the whole country did as well. Surprised but not shocked. It felt as though the event had a certain inevitability to it.

I remember the times. It’s hard to believe, but assassinations were, while not commonplace, occurring with some regularity. President Kennedy was shot and killed in Dallas, and his alleged assassin was himself killed days later, all of this live on television. Three New York Civil Rights workers were murdered in Mississippi while pushing to register voters. Malcolm X was similarly killed earlier that decade. Horror seemed to simply change to anger and angst, but not righteous outrage. If you were trying to change the mindsets of people who were benefiting from the status quo, apparently death was going to be a part of the equation. It was more than just a symbolic risk you took, there was a good chance.

Violence seemed to be everywhere; war in Southeast Asia, riots in Watts and Detroit, political upheaval everywhere you looked.

Amid all of that, I do remember how the idea of Nonviolent Resistance took hold of people. What a powerful message for all of us. What courage it took to do what he did! This was truly someone I could use to measure myself and my life against, always striving to be better. I got courage from watching him face constant anger and violence with calm purpose. It was hard to believe that anybody could do that knowing what could happen.

Of course, the manner of his death unleashed that message and keeps Dr. King alive. Nonviolent Resistance still communicates and accomplishes where violence doesn’t. His son delivered that thought to us here at Lourdes College recently and brought all of this back to me.

40 years ago. It’s hard to believe in so many ways.

Monday, March 31, 2008 1:27:02 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] |