Over the weekend I’ve done a lot of thinking. It seems that the older I get, the faster the time goes. It seems like it was just yesterday when it was New Years Day; it seems like I just had my baby, when in actuality she’s now 4 ½ months old! I just had my oldest daughter’s 5th birthday party…I can still remember staring into her bright blue eyes when she was born in the hospital, and at the party I couldn’t help but get teary-eyed because I guess I never accepted how big she truly was. Anywho- I guess my point is that time flies!!! And so far in this semester, there’s no difference there! We’re already pretty much a month in, and all of my poor study habits have kicked in. I no longer do my homework right when I get home…in fact, I leave the book bag in the car, telling myself I’ll get it out later. That doesn’t happen. It sits there, until I literally FORCE myself to sit down and do the work. It is gentle to say that I am COMPLETELY exhausted. Between working part-time, 4 classes, and 3 kids---my nerves are pretty much shot and my body aches of fatigue. I look forward to that moment at 8:30pm when I can lay down and try to watch a movie or something, but always fall asleep within the first 20 minutes or so. I can specifically remember 2 separate nights this weekend when I tried to watch a movie with my husband, and both times there was no way I was making it. Eventually I either went to bed in apology, or was awakened by him after the movie. It’s that sleep when you don’t even realize you’re sleeping…that’s how relaxed you are---I haven’t experienced this in years. I used to be somewhat an insomniac, but I think coming back to school and work and adding another child on top of it has cured me! Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise…
So anyway- as I said before, I’ve done a lot of thinking over the weekend. The world is truly a small place. It seems that anywhere I go, I know someone, they know someone I know, or they know me because of someone they know. Did that make any sense? It is really weird; people I haven’t seen in years are popping up everywhere…it’s awesome to see these people…to see where their life has taken them. It is especially awesome when its people you’ve searched for and wondered about for years…you start to question why you’ve run into them again. Is there a reason? Were you supposed to see these people for a specific cause? Do they enter your life because you need them in yours, or because they need you in theirs? This is what I have been thinking about practically all weekend: IS THERE A REASON WHY WE ENDED UP IN THE SAME PLACE, AT THE SAME TIME, MANY YEARS LATER? I just have so many unanswered questions and curiosities…this whole thing about reuniting with people can be so exciting, and new, and yet it can be confusing too. I need to just not question things so much. I truly need to just believe that everything happens for a reason, and eventually I’ll discover the reason…whatever it is- it’s providing me with many blessings in my life.
So I told you I was in a contemplative mood. I hate it when I get like this; because usually I end up having a worse headache than when I first started (I get headaches a lot). I realize with each and every day that family is the most important thing in my world. My mom serves as one of my inspirations, my dad-I am so grateful for the relationship I now have with him, my husband-words cannot even express the love and gratitude I have for him…my siblings have helped me to learn a lot over the years, my kids are my cheerleaders and my biggest weakness and hold every inch of my heart, and my nieces and nephews know that their Aunt Savannah will always be there for them-regardless if they need me to be or not. Sometimes I just get amazed by the different generations we are building…and we may be a dysfunctional family that came from a poverty-stricken family, but we’ve all done something to change that. We are all in better places than where we began, and I think that’s something to be proud of. These members of my family are grateful for the things they have, they’re proud of their individual families, and they strive to reach their full potential. If there’s one thing I would love for my nieces and nephews to take away from having a relationship with me, it would be that hard work, determination, and perseverance pays off. I would love for them to see the dedication people have to have in their lives in order to succeed. College isn’t easy, either are jobs, or careers, or parenting…you have to keep working hard and ‘keep on, keeping on.” That’s what I tell myself when I get to this point in the semester right before midterms…otherwise I’d go crazy!
So to sum up this blog-I’M RAMBLING! I’m letting you in on some of the thoughts that were flowing through my brain this weekend. First thought: I’m tired. I’m exhausted. My body aches with fatigue. Second thought: Is there a reason why we’ve ended up in the same place, at the same time, many years later? Third thought: I love my family including my kids, nieces and nephews, whom I hope learn that hard work, perseverance, and determination pays off in life. And my fourth thought: Keep on keeping on!!!!